When I was working, I used to dread bedtime.  It meant another 7 or 8 hours of rest before I had to awake at 5:30 am and head off to work.  Bedtime was the end of my time, at least my conscience time.  Some nights I just didn’t want to go to bed, but I knew I’d pay the next day if I stayed up too late.  It was not a pleasant way to live, but it was habitual.

Now, in retirement, I still find myself dreading bedtime, but for a different reason.  Now it means the end of another day.  I often wonder, “Where does the time go?”  The 8 hours I spent at work would drag on forever, but at home it just flies by.  Before I know it, its noon, then time to start making dinner, then time to go to bed.  Really, where did it all go?

I had always heard people say that they just didn’t have enough time to do everything they wanted to do once they had retired.  I could never understand that.  How could they not have enough time when they got back the 45-55 hours they spent working and commuting?  Now I know.  You just don’t.  You do stuff and suddenly the day is over and you aren’t ready for it.

I’m like the kid in the swimming pool.  Just five more minutes… please?  Pretty please?  Most days I just don’t want it to end.  I want to keep doing what I’m doing, but I have to stop and sleep.  Even if it’s just sitting on the couch watching Discovery with my wife, I want it to keep going.  Now I dread bedtime, not because I’m dreading the next day, but because I don’t want to wait 8 hours to resume my life.

I want to get my garden in shape, work on my book, blog, go fishing, read a book, watch a favorite TV show, visit my favorite websites and blogs, get my trailer ready for the summer, go to town, watch a movie, etc., etc.  There just isn’t enough time!  I’m not sure what magic happened to make more free time feel like less, but it happened.  I don’t get it.

So I still dread bedtime.  I dread having to shut off the computer, put down the book, turn off the TV and shut off that light.  I know tomorrow will get here soon, but not soon enough.  Sleeping is no longer a respite from the demands of my day, but a necessary interruption.  I suppose that’s just part of the transition into retirement and I suppose it’s a good problem to have.

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